"You cannot make a mistake. I cannot make a mistake." These powerful words have echoed in my mind ever since I first heard them. Growing up, I encountered various iterations of this idea. These words have taken root and transformed my understanding of life’s experiences.
Life's journeys are peppered with moments that seem preordained, as if everything happens for a reason. This concept resonated with me during my time in medical school, through my friend Tisha's spirit-filled teachings. My rural Southern upbringing was awash with the mantra, "God is in control," yet it wasn’t until recently that I fully embraced the profound truth behind these concepts.
My life has shown me that there are indeed no mistakes. The statement "I cannot make a mistake" manifests in various forms—be it "you cannot make a mistake" or "there are no mistakes." This paradigm shift teaches us that every experience, act, fall, triumph, relationship, and even trauma, holds within it a piece for our growth.
This belief is not just abstract thinking; it's a tangible guide toward becoming a better version of ourselves. By connecting with every experience and understanding its potential for nourishment and growth, we can eventually view it without judgment or regret.
Embedded in every experience is a quantum possibility, an opportunity for transformation and empowerment. Regardless of the gravity or frequency of reliving a moment, we can eventually find a new perspective that harnesses that experience as a source of strength and power. This, however, can be a difficult truth to accept, especially given the tumultuous history we all share. It’s understandable to resist this idea due to the pain many have endured. Despite this, there lies a crucial opportunity to change the narrative of our past.
Our worldview can transform radically when we place ourselves at the center. This shift enables us to decide our identity and how we attach ourselves to past events. It's about viewing our stories through a lens that empowers rather than confines us.
For someone like me—a gay, black, sober cancer surgeon raised in the rural South—this notion has been pivotal. The conflicting truths I heard growing up were reconciled only much later in my life. The church people who damned my authentic self to eternal hell were, ironically, proponents of the belief that "all things work together for good." Over time, I found harmony between these seemingly contradictory views.
The synthesis of these truths illuminated the way toward an authentic life. My journey has taught me that we get to choose how we integrate the experiences of our lives, energetically connecting to everything and everyone based on our decisions.
One specific lesson remains clear: If I cannot make a mistake, then perfection is an illusion. The quest for perfection is futile. This realization invites a profound grace and compassion for oneself, akin to the mindset Jesus advocated—an open, learner's mindset that acknowledges the value of mistakes as part of growth.
The true power of understanding that there are no mistakes liberates us from the fear of perfection and societal judgment. What others think of us becomes irrelevant. This liberation is particularly meaningful for those of us who, from a young age, felt pressured to conform to others' expectations at the expense of authentic self-expression.
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